Like most Americans, we are grateful to God for having been born in the greatest country on earth, and for the gifts of family and friends; we are grateful for the sacrifices of so many in prior generations to make and keep us free, and to the US military doing the splendid work of freedom today.

We chanced to hear the Thanksgiving edition of CBS radio news at 2pm eastern time today. The theme was that Americans were “giving thanks,” but there was no mention of who was actually being thanked, nor was there anything in the news that it appeared that Americans were or should be thankful for. The first story was about somebody getting hurt in the Macy’s parade. Story number two was about somebody from New Orleans who was “angry” today, post-Katrina. Next were two bombings in Iraq — one a particularly cowardly and weak act, bombing a hospital where GI’s were giving toys to Iraqi kids. No commentary from the newsreader, such as we imagine might have framed the story sixty years ago: “another cowardly attack on children by the vicious, impotent Hun.” Then a story about President Bush not spending Thanksgiving in Baghdad with the troops as he did two years ago — a Bush Baghdad / Thanksgiving story is a real bonus: either choice, Baghdad or Crawford, is open to criticism. So much for the MSM.

What happened next was incredible. The next thing on the radio was apparently a translation of Saddam Hussein, rehearsing his defense strategy for his upcoming trial, on a leading New Media program. We have excerpted what we believe is an accurate transcript of what he said. It’s a little scary, since it sounds to us like an excellent defense strategy, basically following the line of criticism of Bush and the Iraq War as wrong and illegitimate as outlined by Congressional Democrats:

The honorable Senate Democrats in the United States are doing an honorable investigation to find out exactly what happened to cause me to lose my country, and until these honorable Senate Democrats in the United States get every one of their questions answered about the manipulation and the distortion of the intelligence — and of course all of the lies about my having weapons of mass destruction, I can’t get a fair trial….I never had any weapons of mass destruction, and whatever bad intelligence was generated by a cowboy, fratboy president and his indicted staff, who have poisoned world opinion about me…

I, Saddam Hussein….say that the Senate Democrats are on the way to proving that President Bush has led a false war… My country is Muslim. We are very different from western countries, and that scares stupid, evangelical cowboys like George Bush….

[W]hat does this cowboy Bush do when his oil baron buddies can’t have my oil for themselves? Well, they start a war on false pretenses because everybody knows that this war was about nothing but oil and that’s why all the intelligence was trumped up….You may not like me; I am Saddam Hussein. You may not agree with the ways of Muslim leaders in the Middle East, but does that give you the right to invade my country? No!

The United States Senate Democrats obviously agree with me. They are honorable people. The world should align behind the Democrats of the United States Senate who are trying to wrong one of the most terrible injustices in the history of the world. It is George W. Bush who must be brought to justice by the brave and honorable members of the Democratic Party in the United States Senate. Because leaders of the world and people of the world, I, Saddam Hussein, say to you that it is the senators, the Democrat senators in the United States Senate are all that stand between peace and bloodthirsty imperialism by the United States. May Allah bless the good and decent truth-tellers in the Senate…..

I want to further point out that if my trial is not postponed — if I can’t get a postponement and if I can’t get a dismissal of the charges, and if I don’t get my country back — if there is a trial, I demand that I be brought to the US for trial, in a United States civilian court. I can’t get a fair trial in Iraq because it’s Bush cronies. I can only get a fair trial in the United States where liberal Democrats run the court system. They’re the ones doing the great work, the work of Allah….

The United States does not recognize, the US court system doesn’t recognize the Geneva Conventions; they don’t recognize the due-process rights of illegal combatants like me or those held at Guantanamo Bay. John McCain and the Democrats wanted them tried under our justice system, and if illegal combatants are to be afforded with such treatment — if you’re going to give real terrorists the opportunity to be tried in your court system — I, Saddam Hussein, demand to be tried in your court system because I am covered under the Geneva Conventions, and I should receive better treatment. And, by the way, I wish to point out — and I know many people in the American ACLU will agree with me on this — I, Saddam Hussein, was not Mirandized by the soldiers who captured me. I was denied a speedy trial as compelled by the Bill of Rights in the US Constitution. The charges ought to be dismissed. They did nothing but point weapons to me in that foxhole. They didn’t tell me my rights! They didn’t tell me I had to shut up; they didn’t tell me anything I said could be used against me….

If I get my trial in the United States of America as I so rightly deserve, I, Saddam Hussein,
– would like to call Dick Durbin as a witness because he would be able to testify that US troops are like Nazi storm troopers. He would be able to testify that US troops are no different than the murdering thugs of Pol Pot and the gulags of Stalin.
– I would next call Senator Kennedy who would be able to testify that US troops are no better than Hussein’s thugs — my thugs.
– I would call Michael Isikoff of Newsweek magazine. He would be able to testify how US troops mistreat prisoners by flushing their Korans down the toilet at G’itmo….
– I would also call Ambassador Joe Wilson, of course. He would be my star witness, because Joe Wilson would testify that I was not a bad guy; I was not somebody that posed a danger. I never once sought uranium from anywhere, because I didn’t have any weapons of mass destruction, and Joe Wilson knows it and his wife, Valerie Plame, knows it.

And so, my friends, I, Saddam Hussein, throw in with the Democrats in the United States Senate. They are my allies, and until they finish their great and glorious work for Allah in uncovering the truth about the lies and the distortions of the cowboy Bush, I demand these trials of me be postponed and the charges dismissed — and I get my country back.

We daresay that old Saddam may well be correct that he could get acquitted if tried in the United States. That he will not be tried here is yet another small thing to be grateful for. As for the Dmocratic senators Saddam mentioned, well that it another matter indeed.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 24th, 2005 at 4:41 pm and is filed under Democrats, General, New Media, Religion, War. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.